* Camel Spotting / You're no Fun - Flying Circus (Episode 7)
Spotter: Oh, well so far Peter, up to the present moment, I've spotted nearly, ooh, nearly one.
Interviewer: Nearly one?
Spotter: Er, call it none.
Interviewer: Fine. And er how long have you been here?
Spotter: Three years.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Camel Spotting / You're no Fun
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* Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson - Flying Circus (Episode 1)
Host: And do you in fact have two sheds?
Jackson: No, I've only got one. I've had one for some time, but a few years ago I said I was thinking of getting another, and since then some people have called me "Two Sheds".
Host: In spite of the fact that you only have one.
Host: And are you thinking of purchasing a second shed?
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson
(File Length: 00:02:29 - File Size: 731 KB - File Type: MP3)
* Man Who Is Alternately Rude And Polite - Flying Circus (Episode 18)
Gent: Good morning, I'd care to purchase a chicken, please.
Butcher: Don't come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.
Gent: I beg your pardon?
Butcher: A chicken, sir. Certainly.
Gent: Thank you. And how much does that work out to per pound, my good fellow?
Butcher: Per pound, you slimy trollop, what kind of a ponce are you?
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Man Who Is Alternately Rude And Polite
(File Length: 00:00:54 - File Size: 264 KB - File Type: MP3)
* The Mouse Problem - Flying Circus (Episode 2)
Confessor: Well... I was about seventeen and some mates and me went to a party, and, er... we had quite a lot to drink... and then some of the fellows there ... started handing ... cheese around ... and well just out of curiosity 1 tried a bit ... and well that was that.
Interviewer: And what else did these fellows do?
Confessor: Well some of them started dressing up as mice a bit ... and then when they'd got the costumes on they started ... squeaking.
Interviewer: Yes. And was that all?
Confessor: That was all.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - The Mouse Problem
(File Length: 00:03:14 - File Size: 762 KB - File Type: MP3)
* Secret Service Dentists - Flying Circus (Episode 4)
Bookseller: My God you've got guts.
Bookseller: (pulling gun) Just how much do you know?
Arthur: What about?
Bookseller: Are you from the British Dental Association?
Arthur: No I'm a tobacconist.
Bookseller: Get away from that door.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Secret Service Dentists
(File Length: 00:06:57 - File Size: 1.99 MB - File Type: MP3)
* Policeman Make Wonderful Friends - Flying Circus (Episode 6)
Policeman: (to camera) Yes! Policemen make wonderful friends. So it' you are over six feet tall and would like a friend, a pen friend, in the police force, here is the address to write to: 'Mrs Ena Frog, 8 Masonic Apron Street, Cowdenbeath'. Remember-policemen make wonderful friends. So write today and take advantage of our free officer. Thank you. And now for the next sketch.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Policeman Make Wonderful Friends
(File Length: 00:00:51 - File Size: 253 KB - File Type: MP3)
* Apology - Flying Circus (Episode 33)
2nd Voice Over: (and Roller Caption): 'THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO DENY THE LAST APOLOGY. IT IS VERY HAPPY AT HOME AND BBC 2 IS BOUND TO GO THROUGH THIS PHASE, SO FROM ALL OF US HERE GOOD NIGHT, SLEEP WELL, AND HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY SUPER DAY TOMORROW, KISS, KISS.'
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Apology
(File Length: 00:00:46 - File Size: 229 KB - File Type: MP3)
* Communist Quiz - Flying Circus (Episode 25)
Presenter: Yes, yes! One final question Karl and the beautiful lounge suite will be yours... Are you going to have a go? (Karl nods) You're a brave man. Karl Marx, your final question, who won the Cup Final in 1949?
Karl: The workers' control of the means of production? The struggle of the urban proletariat?
Presenter: No. It was in fact, Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Communist Quiz
(File Length: 00:02:49 - File Size: 991 KB - File Type: MP3)
* Musical Mice - Flying Circus (Episode 2)
Compare: Wasn't she just great eh, wasn't she just great. Ha, ha, ha, and she can run as fast as she can sing, ha, ha, ha. And I'm telling you - 'cos I know. No, only kidding. Ha, ha, ha. Seriously now, ladies and gentlemen, we have for you one of the most unique acts in the world today. He's ... well I'll say no more, just let you see for yourselves... ladies and gentlemen, my very great privilege to introduce Arthur Ewing, and his musical mice.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Musical Mice
(File Length: 00:01:35 - File Size: 466 KB - File Type: MP3)
* Conquistador Coffee Campaign - Flying Circus (Episode 24)
Frog: Badly, sir?
Boss: No, extremely well. (lifts up a leg beloning to a body behind desk, and holds up a card saying 'joke') Well, before he went he left a note with the company secretary (opens a nearby door; a dead company secretary falls out), the effect of which was how disappointed he was with your work and, in particular, why you had changed the name from Conquistador Instant Coffee to Conquistador Instant Leprosy. Why, Frog?
Frog: S. Frog, sir.
Boss: Shut up. Why did you do it?
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Conquistador Coffee Campaign
(File Length: 00:02:29 - File Size: 730 KB - File Type: MP3)
* The Cycling Tour - Flying Circus (Episode 34)
Doctor: I gather you had an accident?
Pither: Yes, my pump got...
Doctor: ...caught in your sock.
Pither: Yes, and my fruit cake was damaged on one side.
Pither: It's got grit all over it.
Doctor: Well now, are you in pain? (reaching round for his stethoscope and coming around desk)
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - The Cycling Tour
(File Length: 00:27:24 - File Size: 7.83 MB - File Type: MP3)
* Police Constable Pan-Am - Flying Circus (Episode 17)
Chemist: Officer, it wasn't him. (indicates shoplifter) He's the shoplifter.
Shoplifter: No I'm not.
Shoplifter's Mate: (sticking his head out of mac) He's not ... I'm a witness.
Policeman: (to chemist) One more peep out of you and I'll do you for heresy.
Chemist: Heresy. Blimey. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.
Policeman: Shut up! F'tang. F'tang. Oh, that's nice. (he takes an object off the counter and pockets it) Right. I'm taking you along to the station.
[ DOWNLOAD SKETCH ] - Police Constable Pan-Am
(File Length: 00:02:24 - File Size: 424 KB - File Type: WAV)
Scott Of The Sahara: - [DOWNLOAD CLIP]
(File Length: 00:01:28 - File Size: 3.77 MB -
File Type: WMV)
Alternately Rude And Polite: - [DOWNLOAD CLIP]
(File Length: 00:00:55 - File Size: 2.87 MB -
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Self-defense Against Fruit: - [DOWNLOAD CLIP]
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- File Type: WMV)